I have been enjoying my time off. I have been exercising more, spending time at the library and with mom, doing yoga, seeing my therapist, and talking to my sister from another mister about her latest project. It keeps her busy, and I am only too happy to share her work. In a way, this blog is my project, and I choose to share my thoughts and experiences with my readers.
The thought of going back to work on Monday and having to endure the daily volatility of the job has me considering anti anxiety medication. There are days when I felt like I needed a stiff drink just to take the edge off. Whilst dad was an alcoholic in addition to being depressed, the alcoholic part somehow missed me. I can enjoy after work drinks with friends, or a Heineken after work, but the idea of me being an alcoholic is simply preposterous in my mind. I seek a homeopathic remedy for my anxieties rather than rely on pharmaceuticals because I feel that they force the body to comply, rather that work with it. But, for the record, my blood pressure medication Losartan is a pharmaceutical, and I take it because it is very effective at controlling blood pressure. I am fully aware that garlic also reduces blood pressure.
One thing I need to do more of is stop worrying so such. It does take away happiness, which is energy. It often leaves me in a low energy state because it takes energy away. I have felt so exhausted from so much worry in the past. A positive affirmation, or talking to a close friend can help put the energy back. For example, I can say to myself, “I am a beautiful person,” or “Help others, but remember to help yourself first.” I might worry about something for a few minutes, or a few hours, then its gone, thanks to my guide, who works constantly to help me be the best person I can be. I cannot be an effective healer if I am in a constant state of low energy. It is ok to be in darkness. We have all been there. But don’t live there. Keep moving, and emerge into the light. If I can do it, so can you.
I saw an article about “toxic positivity,” and whilst I only glanced at the article, my therapist gave me some insight, along with my trusty guide. So what is it? It is telling someone they should feel a certain way without validating their feelings. In other words, if something is grieving over the passing of a family member, saying “you’ll get over it” to them is a perfect example. How do I know they will get over it? How can I say that when I know not of the circumstances? Not taking their feelings into account will cause resentment. If something told me to “snap out of it” if I am in a low energy state is another example. How do you know I will snap out of it? Do you know why I am in a low energy state? Indeed, being positive, and having a positive attitude is wonderful. Emotions and feelings go hand in hand. Ever get mad at someone because they dismiss your feelings about something? That is an example of not validating feelings. We all want someone to listen when we talk about something that bothers us. That is your truth, and you deserve to be heard, and to be acknowledged.
Thanks for reading my blog post. Sat Nam.