Sanity In an Insane World

One of my bad points is that sometimes I focus too much on what is going wrong in my life, and I neglect to point out  the stuff that is going right. That keeps me in a perpetual state of low energy. Sometimes it helps when someone reminds me to be grateful for something, like having a warm place to sleep in the dead of winter.  One way the universe will work in my favour is to practice gratitude.  I always say please and thank you. Sometimes I do reflect on things that I am thankful for, just to break the poor me monotony. I heard somewhere that focusing on the bad only brings more bad stuff. So I should focus on the good. Easier said than done.

A case in point is the current situation with the corona virus. I realise there are many people who have lost their jobs. I could have been one of those people. When the day programs closed, we had to park our buses. But we were reassigned to other job sites, so I’m grateful to have a job now. I’m making a little more money, and I was able to purchase an unlimited plan for my phone so I can watch videos. Hopefully, I will have enough money to pay my cable bill so I can get new service.

Meanwhile, this corona virus has made me very resentful of China. I think it is revenge for the tariffs. At the same time, they were the ones that built all the highways in Jamaica. Now it is possible to drive from Kingston to Montego Bay in a few hours. When I was a kid in Jamaica, Grandpa would leave in the early morning to see my aunt in Montego Bay, and it used to take all night. We didn’t even stop for a bathroom break. We would arrive at her house at sunrise.

I was a real mess last week. I was so depressed that I was hoping I would not wake up the next morning.  I was angry, sad, scared, and anxious about this virus, orders to self isolate, and the ever increasing body count. I was so embarrassed to share my feeling with two close friends. I didn’t want them to see me in such a state. Me, who functions as a voice of  of reason for others who art in crisis. Good thing my voice of reason is Sophia, who hast incredible patience. Without her, I would probably be in a straight jacket by now. Of course, she disagrees with that statement.

Yet another thing to be thankful for: FedEx delivered my new printer.  I remembered seeing a notification that it was delivered, and I was going to wait until I went home tomorrow.  I wasn’t worried about anyone stealing it. But I noticed that it started to rain, so I rushed home to take it inside, and spray it with Lysol. I wanted to cancel the order because after I ordered it, that’s when the supervisor from the job called and told me I was being assigned somewhere else. I wore out my welcome at the old assignment. That left me feeling scared and scatterbrained. I tried in vain to cancel the order, but my phone internet was painfully show because I used up my allotted 3GB of high speed service. I called 1-800 Wal-Mart and waited 45 minutes for a customer service rep. When she finally picked up, she couldn’t hear me because the signal strength was only two bars. Ugh!! I threw the phone down and went to bed.

The virus hit close to home last week. Literally. I received an email from the superintendent’s office about a resident in the complex that has been infected with the virus. That left me feeling scared. I’m over it now, but it is a sobering reminder to self isolate. My reassignment means I am now an essential employee. Better that than staying home with no cable, and no pay. Friends assure me this too will pass. I can only hope. My sanity is being held together with duct tape and cable.



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