I “fell down” at work yesterday.

Not literally, of course. Work has been very stressful for the past few weeks. New procedures, new rules, and having to endure a non stop barrage of information that I am unable to process without the proper time allotment. This past Friday, there was so much stress that I developed a tension headache, a warning sign that I was approaching what I refer to as “shutdown.” When that happens, I need to be left alone so I can heal. I recovered over the weekend, and on Monday, I was feeling much better. Actually, the tension headache means a spike in blood pressure, which required an increase in my Losartan medication.

But then the stress started up again. I was in the supervisor’s office for a meeting, and I was already on edge, then the other supervisor came by the office, and berated me for not putting the meeting on my schedule, and to go transport a client to his program to receive an injection. That brought me to my breaking point. I was angry, frustrated, very close to tears, and I wanted to get this task done so I do not have the other supervisor breathing down my neck. So yes, I have three supervisors. My two immediate bosses who were in the meeting came to my aid.

I was so sorry for causing a minor scene. I say sorry too much when something like this happens. Forgive me. At this point, I was so fed up. There was no yelling, nor was I combative. I sat down and I stated what was on my mind. Thankfully, they were very supportive. I could not ask for nicer supervisors. Permission was granted to take the rest of the week off. I could even leave the same day after I handed in my monthly report and weekly log. It was a rush to get it done because I had an appointment to see my doctor to renew the script for my blood pressure pills that afternoon.

I was running low on medication, and I needed an exam before she would renew the script. As expected, my blood pressure was a little high. Thank the Gods I had taken the Losartan that morning. I remember what happened when I was not taking it, and being so stressed out. If the pressure was any higher, a stroke would have been a possibility. I will pick up the medication tomorrow from the pharmacy.

It felt good to be able to sleep in today. As much as I wanted to veg out in front of the flat screen watching season 14 of ER, I went to the fitness centre in my complex to exercise, then I went to see another doctor at the site where I see my therapist. I plan on going back to exercise for a bit before going home. Sometimes I have to force myself to go when I really want to stay home and do nothing. When one is in a low energy state, it helps to go do something. Whether it is cleaning the house, taking a walk, or talking to someone. Or raise your energy by saying something positive.

I wish I could take the rest of the month off, but I do not have that much personal time. Hopefully, these few days will be enough for me. But I actively seek my exit from the organization regardless. Even though they have been supportive of my needs and quirks, it is the volatile environment that I am having difficulty with. I require a more structured environment. A set routine, if you will. Show me what I have to do, and I will set the routine up in my head. Once I know what I have to do, I take all variables into consideration, and if a surprise happens, I can deal with it. Once that is done, my confidence goes up. In my current job, there are too many surprises which keep me off balance. Confidence is down because I can only establish a partial routine, and even that can change in the blink of an eye. I am unable to account for all of the variables, so when a surprise happens, it leaves me feeling resentful because often do not have the time to process the information necessary to complete the task.

Thanks for reading my post. Sat Nam.

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