Every day I’m feeling a bit better. Releasing some of my pain yesterday was a big help. I’m not crying as much, but there is still some sadness that I need to work through. Like if my daughter hates me. I know she is very close to her mother. I would rather not ask for the time being. I need to focus on me.
I have not been on Facebook for a few days. I know not as to how long it will last. Usually whenever I have suffered through trauma, I stay off Facebook because social media can sometimes prolong the agony. I can see that everyone is doing well with their partners and living their best life, whilst I get thrown into shark infested waters by mine.
I am working through a lot of feelings. Most of it is anger, but I need to hush my mouth for the time being. Knowing how I have a tendency to start a war by just opening my mouth, I have to stay quiet. Those words will be said when the time comes. Feelings for a certain person have come rushing back, but I’m in no shape for a relationship. My core being has been restored, but there is still much to do. My honour will take longer to return. I’m tempted to become asexual and give up women completely. I can see my friends looking at me like I’m crazy. There are words that I need to say, but since I have the ability to start a war by opening my mouth, I have to remain silent. But I can say that I was NOT looking forward to reliving a traumatic event from my past that involved a obese sub human from Guyana.
My Spotify playlist has been keeping me sane this week. The music of Alice Gomez is a particular favourite. There are calls to delete Spotify because they stand behind Joe Rogan. I will not, because I am fully vested in it. I have several playlists, and a podcast that I listen to every day. I’m not giving that up for Pandora, which I hate to pieces, or iHeartRadio, which I also hate to pieces.
Overall, this has been a good week. Just the usual work related annoyances. Sometimes I think about the day of the dead, but I don’t dwell on it because other things demand my attention. I am moving along in my recovery quite nicely. Of course, I’m expecting the unexpected. I should ask my friend Maureen if I can hang out with her cats. I would have to introduce myself to them first. They think I’m a stranger, and I can see they’re very shy around strangers. I need my own cat or dog, but the “pet rider” fee is a bit outrageous. Anyway, thanks for reading my rantings. I hope you have a good weekend.