Sleeping Single

Some of you may know that this past February, the HMS Suzanne Connor not only sailed, it sunk, and I was left to take care of our daughter when she really needed us. Thankfully, she’s doing a lot better. Now some of you may also know that I was pursuing a woman that I knew for a long time. But recently, I received a sign that resonated with me. I’m the one putting in all the work, attempting to build a foundation, and it collapses before the mortar can set. So I made the call. It’s not worth it, and it will never be worth it to keep going on like this. I’m wasting my life chasing someone who does not want to be caught. I’m an idiot for not seeing that until now. I’m letting her go. She’s free to set sail to parts unknown. If she meets her Prince Charming, I’ll be happy for her. My Princess Charming seems to be as elusive as a winning Lotto ticket.

I have a horror side that I wanted to share with a partner. It is like this monster that is rattling the bars. But I can’t let it out because most women would be scared. My sister knows how lonely I am and she wishes she could help, but I always decline. It is my cross to bear, and she has her hands full with her children and husband. A running joke is that all I have to look forward to when I come home is Boo Boo Kitty and my semi comfy easy chair. Alas, that is the curse of an introvert.

I love my alone time, but there are times when I wish I had someone to talk to. For an introvert, it is possible to want to be alone, and be lonely at the same time. That makes no sense to most people. I understand that. Sometimes, I don’t want to even look at a woman because it amounts to mental torture. Not because I’m a misogynist. I just don’t want to feel those feelings. It is like knowing your dream car is at the local Mercedes Benz dealer, but you don’t want to look at it because you cannot have it for whatever reason.

So what now? I just keep moving forward in life hoping to get my 40 acres and a Case someday. It will always hurt being single, but it is best not to dwell on it. A running joke is that the best birthday present I can get from my sister is a blow up doll. At least I will never be one of those guys that marry a life like doll. I may be painfully single, but I’m not THAT lonely! Boo Boo Kitty stays on my couch, but I ever start carrying her everywhere, then my sister can have me committed because I would have truly snapped my power line.

So that’s my sad post to share. Thanks for reading. You can leave a comment if you want. Have a blessed day, beautiful people.

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