Shot and Bothered

I should have known my day was destined to go sideways because of the pouring rain.

The check engine light in my truck came on yet again. I know what triggered it before. When I took the car to my mechanic for a diagnosis, he told me what was needed and cleared the code. Somehow the binnacle does not seem normal without a warning light on. No visible warning lights is oddly uncomforting. But it does not mean that I enjoy seeing a yellow engine icon as soon as the engine rolls over and fires. It is like an angry red bump on a body part that will not go away.

But that is not what is bothering me.

One of my most hated emoticons on social media is the laughing emoji. I feel it is an attack on my honour. That is a leftover of the endless ridicule I endured whilst making my way through the public school system. It manifests itself in my adult life by people who constantly use that sickening emoticon whenever I say something on social media. I guess I must be that stupid. Usually I’m not attempting to be funny. No wonder I don’t like people.

Anytime I speak my peace, or let my opinion about something be known, I get laughed at like some unhinged liberal. I don’t think I’m saying anything that far out of this universe. Maybe I’m the one that is out of this universe. Or out of my mind. This is one reason why I don’t post much on Facebook. The last time I commented about something, I got a laughing emoji. I deleted the comment. If people are going to laugh at whatever I say, then what is the point of me saying anything?

I see it as a form of gaslighting because I’m starting to doubt my logic and my sanity. Am I the dumb one or the smart one? Do I understand what I have read? Do I have a grasp of spoken English, sentence structure, and semantics? I should, since my reading level is a little higher than my ability to count.

I don’t fancy myself as an encyclopedia of logic. That’s what my friend Evelyn is for. Sometimes I think she is Borg because of her brutal honesty. She has that personality that is devoid of emotion and only speaks using logic. Maybe I can be like her. Or should be like her. But that will not be easy. There is a reason why I’m not afraid of dragons, or fire.

Or perhaps I should speak more in broken English. Only I know what I am saying, whilst everyone else is scratching their heads.

We’ll see how that goes going forward. I am tired of being made fun of and gaslighted.

So yuh waan tek it personal. Yuh taak bout dun, me na come fi dun.

So that’s my rant for today. Thanks for reading. Have a good evening/day/night.