Tears of Life

A few minutes ago, there was a knock on my door. Instantly, all internal alarms go off. I remain silent and cover my ears, hoping the intruder will go away. Maybe I should put a GO AWAY sign on my front door. I don’t like visitors. So that scare had me on edge for a few minutes. I wanted to go next door and hang out with Maureen’s cats. But I don’t want to be that neighbour that always comes over at a bad time.

I received news this morning that left me feeling numb. I just wanted to cry. And for all the tough guys that say crying is a sign of weakness, you’re entitled to your opinion. Too bad I don’t have to listen to it. Nobody knows of my story, or my journey. So anyway, its work related as usual. I am not happy. I will never be happy until I leave the job. All week I have been angry, frustrated, numb, and tired; mentally and physically. I don’t know how much longer can I go on like this. I’m not me anymore. I’m this stranger that no one knows anymore. The last time I felt this way was back in 1988, a few days before my suicide attempt. But this time, I’m not going to sit on the tracks and wait for the light to go dark.

I still feel numb and empty. I’m not sure if I am human anymore. I have not felt this miserable for a long time. I remember when work used to be fun. Now its a gateway to purgatory. I have had barely any time to write. All I do is work, shower, eat, and sleep. Maybe talk to my sister or mom. That’s my whole life now. I suppose I should be thankful that I’m not eating pizza from the garbage, or not sleeping in a homeless shelter. The only way the real me will return is when I leave this job. And to think that I was just as unhappy when I was at PPC.

One would think that I might get peace and quiet from the hell at work at home. Well, you would be wrong. There are times when I believe I live next to a bowling alley with all the constant thumps when I am home. I would love to grab one of them by the throat and throw him out the window. All that time at the gym doing pull ups wouldn’t go to waste.

https://www.theblaze.com/shows/the-glenn-beck-program/heres-whats-actually-in-bidens-35-trillion-bill

Ok, so enough with the pity party. Lets get back to fundamentals. Here are two articles I have been meaning to share with the class for at least two weeks.

I had saved this one a few weeks ago, but never had a chance to post it. Just have had no time to write. I’m beat up and bedraggled as it is, but I wanted to get this out.

So that’s all for now. Thanks for reading my post. Have a good night and a good weekend.

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